Thaddeus Du Bois
Thaddeus' Weekend Adventures by Thaddeus Du BoisISBN: 0-9653074 Copyright 2002, Thaddeus DuBois 120 pages, soft cover, b/w photos, illustrations, 5 ½ x 8 ½ $19.95 |
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Once upon a time I was attending North Webster Junior High School in Indiana. It was there that I first wrote my weekend adventures. I usually entertained myself on the weekends with fantastic adventures that I would relate to my friends the next week at school. These adventures made their way to paper in the form of English writing assignments. My teacher, Mr. Eldridge, who was also in charge of the school newspaper, enjoyed my stories and asked if I would like to write a weekly article for the paper. Of course I agreed and thus a news column, Thaddeus' Weekend Adventures was begun. Now, 15 years later, the weekend school-kid exploits have turned into a lifestyle of adventuresome pursuits around the world and a new book is born to entertain you, the reader.
The stories in this book were meant to make people laugh, and yet some have hidden life lessons in them, things I've learned and things I've come to believe. I hope you enjoy reading them as much as I enjoyed living and writing them.
A Feeling Without a Title
Attack of the Evil Banana Eels
Blackholeus
Coffee and Twinkies for Breakfast
Cook Inlet Sea Monsters
Cookies and Tea
Do Not Expose to Rain or Moisture
Driving Home
Fryday
Going to Werk
How to Make a Mess
How to Shave
I Am My Own World
I Know You Want It
I Love Talkeetna
Moldy Bread
Paleontologists in My Fridge
SAMWITCH ENGINEERING
Shuga
Summer
The Golden Wedding Band
The Landscape
The Moth
Thugh Feesh Peeple
Chili for Dinner
Tea
Northwood St. Glacier
The Garden Party
About the Author
Thugh Glawsiry
Lying at the bottom of the ocean covered in barnacles and weeds,
was the fishing ship that did the dirty deeds.
They killed the fish to feed the army that killed our friends.
Once around the circle and now it all begins.
A wedding is symbolized by a circular ring,
the circle of life is the exact same thing.
We are committed and we cannot break
the life for death exchange that some call fate.
Some never learn but some have been taught,
the battle is within that must be fought.
Is it right to give birth to those who will die,
is the pleasure only for us to see with our eye.
Plant a tree then cut it down,
sow the seeds to be ripped from the ground.
The joy the pain all by our hand,
The golden wedding band.
Kaysughdeeughs for lunch and then there was the rain. It had been raining for nearly a day now
and everything was wet, especially me. Fortunately my body core temperature was well over 98.6 degrees
thus the reason I was doing sit-ups in the rain. I had to do the sit-ups out of necessity not choice, for I was on
the dive boat Shamrock in the Cook Inlet, Alaska. Now I wasn't doing them to keep in shape, not exactly.
I was doing sit-ups in the rain without my shirt on because it makes ya mean! And mean is what
you have to be when you battle sea monsters! Yes, the Cook Inlet is full of sea monsters. They hang out in
the muddy water so no one can see them, but I've had the unfortunate chance to see many of them. They're
evil looking, terrible things and they will snatch you right off the land if you are too close to the water or
better yet, right off the deck of a boat like the Shamrock! Now I'm the only one on watch right now and that is
only because I kick butt, Sea Monster butt that is! Usually it takes ten or eleven guys to battle just one little
Cook Inlet monster but not me, I know their weaknesses. First, they do not respond to punches from your fists
but they hate being kicked! So, in my monster preparedness I'm constantly going around kicking stuff, it's
just good practice.
Second, Cook Inlet sea monsters are attracted by human voices, they know a tasty and easy meal
is within reach of their hideous claws and razor-sharp teeth. But when a human mouth spews forth foul
profanity, they shudder in their green scaly hides. Then there is the fact that they like cold people, warm
people taste bad, like warm shrimp cocktail that has been sitting out for five days. It makes the monsters sick.
Being prepared for all of this I walk around in my combat boots and shorts with no shirt on, swearing and
kicking things. This is a sure way to keep monsters away, but just as an added precaution, I sometimes throw
things overboard just to scare away the ones hiding near the boat.
In fact, I was in the galley just the other day making some melted chocolate in a bowl when I heard
the tell-tale sign of a monster getting ready to climb on board and attack me. So, without even thinking,
my instincts took over. I sprinted through the galley door and chucked that bowl of melted chocolate with
the spoon still in it right into the inlet, cursing the whole time. It hit the water probably thirty yards from
the boat and I swore at the bowl, I mean monsters; one more time then kicked the railing and spit over the side.
Sure enough, no monsters drug their slithering slimy bodies on deck that night, so I know it works.
Now one thing you probably didn't know was that the monsters really love the rain. So today I had
to be extra vigilant. I had to make my special kaysughdeeughs for lunch and have some tea, and
chocolate pudding and caramels and some pralines too, but yeah these kaysughdeeughs are chock full of goodness
like energy enhancing ketchup and profanity inducing hot cheese. Then there is the Tabasco, man,
nothing makes you want to kick stuff like Tabasco, especially when you get some in the cut under your thumbnail.
So I'm all ready to battle sea monsters, I even made a big long buoy line that I tied my dirty clothes on to
drag behind the boat. Dirty clothes attract sea monsters, that's why I go swimming naked in the inlet, less
chance of a sea monster attack. I am totally ready to take on the meanest, nastiest Cook Inlet monster, but
now everyone is waking up from their naps and eating my kick butt kaysughdeeughs. Well GEESH! Like
you don't need me around anymore. There's like ten guys on deck and they all have this super energy from
the `deeughs. Of course not EVEN close to as much energy as I've got, I mean come on, I am Thaddeus
the Maddeus!! So since they're all taking care of the topsidestuff, I started scouting out the spaces below deck.
I have started with my room. At first it appears normal but thanks to my extra keen kaysughdeeugh hearing,
I detect a faint sound coming from below the floorboards. I think there are monsters in the bilge below
my bunk. So I think I'll have to make a secret trap door in the floor under the rug so I can hide my
monster-sensing equipment down there. Plus, having a trap door under the rug that no one knows about would
be cool!! Maybe I could make it cold down there so I could keep ice cream under my bunk. That way I
wouldn't have to keep going to the freezer to get more ice cream samwitches. I could just sit in here eating them
and giggling.
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